Resentment is a word and a feeling we all try to avoid, sometimes at all costs. It is a hard word to swallow when we need to look in the mirror, but is a word that we can’t get enough of when we give it away. We can see it so easily in others, but is very easy to deny when we look in the mirror.
Resentment is a feeling we all have experienced in our life, some more than others. It is a feeling of deep and bitter anger and ill-will towards life, self, others, friends, and family. It sounds pretty terrible when you say it like that doesn’t it? This is a feeling we don’t want to cop to as a good natured person. Resentment comes from an accumulation of many life experiences, feelings, people, places, and things. All unresolved and a bit of just being human. Ahhh….All a great recipe for Resentment Soup.
I hope you are sitting down, because the bad news is we will be enjoying this soup in the future too. Now, before you all start throwing your soup bowls at the wall in denial, I want to give you some hope. We do have control over how hot the soup is before we eat it! …….Ahhhh, I can hear some relief there? ! Am I right? Part of having a small taste of this soup is simply being human, but acknowledging our soup is the first step and plotting a path of some work to take the air out of the current ones.......your personal coach can help you here too.
I posted a question on my Facebook page a while back about resentment and how often people experience it. The funny thing was the people that posted were in the majority of “No, ma’am, not me, but I have in the past” “I know better now, so I don’t have these feelings”…”I can help others with this topic since it just isn’t me” …and so on.
When I have discussed this topic with coaching clients I receive the same
answers about knowing better and seeing it in others, but hardly ever
themselves. I, personally, have felt its heat many times in my life and yes,
much less in the last decade or so. Yes, I still have a strong twinge from time
to time just as any person on this planet would have, since we are all just
human. (Unless you are Vulcan, of course – are you?)
So, you ask….What does resentment look like to self?
It can look like many many things.....
^ I can’t believe she is wearing that super short skirt. She looks ridiculous at her age.
^ I wonder how much he actually reports to Uncle Sam and if it’s all legal.
^ Everyone talks about how rich he is, but he is really just a crook
^ He’s an idiot
^ You never ever tell me you love me!
^ Were you flirting again with that guy?
^ She is going out with her friends again?
^ He is going to the bar with his buddies again?
Ok, Ok, I think you get the drift here as this list could go on and on with our personal spins.
The good news is we can simply work on not making this soup to begin with, so we don’t have it simmering on the back burner of life. In the big picture we will have disagreements with people in our lives again & again, but we have the choice in that moment to truly talk it out or stuff it and say “No, it’s ok! Its ok!” and walk away…..walking away with another ingredient for our soup. Remember, in communication skills, it is not what you say, but how you say it that makes the difference. Strong communication skills will keep your resentment smaller and down the drain.
The truth is we have to learn our own personal cues of when we are stuffing our feelings or blasting our feelings. The middle ground of assertiveness and confidence is key here. (Not passive/aggressive) Otherwise, if we are so agreeable to all, this is just the BEST recipe for Resentment Soup! And it will be HOT.
All in all, we will still have a taste of it from time to time and how we deal with things is what will make the difference. If you have trouble saying “No”, and simply being so agreeable, take a look at our self-coaching kits below or request a referral for working with a Self-Discovery Coach™ to get to know you better and brush up on some lifestyle skills and habits.
Either way, it will teach you how to be assertive and strengthen our core of self. In addition, it helps with getting to know one’s self through our self-worth and our inner voice. When the inner voice is strong it flows out to all areas of life to better them too. (Check out the WorkBook Menu too) We are the portal of self-discovery & self-recovery for you and your needs.
I challenge you to STOP today and look within… I promise you that your soul is good, kind, and caring. Take a look at the resentment soup you may have simmering on the stove. You have two choices, keep it fresh and hot on the stove or pour it down the garbage disposal and learn how to live & love that much better. I can tell you from personal experience when you begin your inner voice work, along with assertive communication your life will change and pressure will lesson.
To change it this takes action…….
So I ask you boldly, what action are you taking right starting today?
(Hint: it starts with YOU, not someone else)
Have a great night!
Copyright © 2011 Merna Throne. All rights reserved.
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