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Ironically, this majestic journey was taking place when I hit bottom. Now that is a gift!

Posted by Merna Throne on Tuesday, August 16, 2016 Under: My Magical Mystery Tour/Music Marathon


Ironically, this majestic journey was taking place when I hit bottom.

Now that is a gift!

Hola!

I know it has been a while since I blogged, but enjoying my family time here in Iowa. I had promised you back in March I would tell you the real reason that was behind this road trip when it was coming to a close. (Now, just hear this, My Magical Mystery Tour may never end. Hoping to checkout music around Florida when I get home and I still want the Pacific Coast Highway next summer.  ; )

I have started to get homesick lately for my good friends in Florida. My family too!! I miss the music from SW Florida around town and look forward to hearing/sharing so much more.

This journey began as a thought around the 1st of this year. It was a negative, but I had to MAKE it a positive. It seemed impossible at first because……..here goes… so hard… I have pride…It was time to live out of my car for a while because of financial situations. The aftermath of debt I had from selling my Iowa acreage still haunts me. I have paid off many, but have sooo much more to go. In addition, I am in a catch 22 with being able to work onsite and the NEED to work from home with all my hardware and continued determined arthritis. (I work out hard to keep my strength and won’t let it win… My mindset is determined too). So when it came to my monthly budget of everything – even living frugal - I was just juggling and my body was being pushed to its limit, maybe some beyond. I couldn’t go on like this forever….

I knew I wouldn’t continue my working situations in SW Florida AND live out of my car, so I had to make this a positive and become even more frugal for the little income I took with me. I started thinking about driving around the USA, but gas money? What would I do? Where would I go? I didn’t want to stay in Iowa with family for 6 months either. So, I start putting it all together in the back of my mind. Music was the bonus. I knew lifelong friends in different states that were thrilled I was coming. I stayed with them for a few weeks, some house and dog sitting too, so I helped out (I hope) They didn’t want me to leave, but what gifts these states, people, and places gave me are priceless!! The scenery, the adventure, the people, the music, the places, the way of life, the views, the quality time are some of the best moments of my life. Patty in Colorado and Lisa in Arizona supported my healing by just being them. I didn’t expect any of it, but will never forget it either. These ladies are True Blue, Golden friendships that are lifelong. Thank you!

Ironically, this majestic journey was taking place when I hit bottom.

Now that is a gift!

The majestic journey was all of me, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual - I knew I had some healing inside of me to do because of this core sadness I just couldn’t put my finger on. It wasn't my self-esteem. It was sadness that weighed heavy on me. I have always worked hard at my self-esteem in my 30 years of sobriety. I know I can do whatever I set my mind too. Hey, this is who I am.. Take it or Leave it..!  It took until AZ to finally see all the 9 deaths in my life in just 3.5 years (plus all my surgeries) and start putting the puzzle pieces together. (Catch past blogs to read about them = the unfolding) This would make impacts on anyone, just different degrees. Losing my Sister in 2014 and Marisa in 2015 were the hardest of course. When Marisa died it was almost as hard as my sister. Still is for both of them…but I am finally healing well.

I still remember the first day I left SW Florida. My life was so filled I was going 100 miles an hour all the time. (Swollen knees/legs/ankles/feet/pain more often than not & I will always have chronic pain. I just choose LIFE!) But, now it had ALL stopped. I remember thinking… “What have I done?” Well, this ‘down time’ gives us time to deal with our thoughts and more we were avoiding. And that is exactly what happened… I started peeling back the layers the whole road trip. Healing, learned so much, found my peace again, and realized I NEED some more downtime on a regular basis and its time to keep this promise to myself.

Since I stayed at each place for a while, the gas money was easier to budget in. I learned to live VERY Frugal too. These are awesome lessons to learn about needs and wants in our lives. I do know when I get to Florida and working again (Please Pray, I have my foot in the door with an online College) I have two NEEDS at the top of my list to save for. Yes, they are my NEEDS ; )

1.      New Computer – 17.5 Acer 4GB ram. Just like the one that finally crashed. I am using a refurbished one I got on eBay a year ago and its going now.

2.      Guitar – Yes, its time.. !! I have been looking at Guitar Center online and looking at the ones I want to ‘try on’ when its time to buy. I want an acoustic-electric with amp for now. Then later on the Electric guitar. Awesome!!

My first goals are prioritized before these needs above of paying my bills, living frugal, save money, and squeezing the best in life of each second of my days… Bring it on!!

Being so pinched for income these last years, but God has definitely provided for me. I left my ‘panic’ behind and went directly to faith when something would normally make me panic. It always works out. I know now when I get my incoming rolling again, paying it forward will continue in my life. Its something we should all do. I have given away money, help, support when I am down to almost nothing myself to help someone. I have always been like this. I don’t think it’s a fault… God has my Back! Plus, I just don’t sit around waiting for a miracle. I do my part and he does his.

More continued soon…….

 

Much love!

Later!

Merna


In : My Magical Mystery Tour/Music Marathon 


Tags: grief  loss  healing  road trip  great adventure  good friends  hope  peace  love 
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