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But for the Grace of God, There Go I....

Posted by Merna Throne on Sunday, June 26, 2016

Hola!

Today I am blogging from Phoenix Arizona! The temps have been 106-109 and honestly, I handle them fine. I am handling them as well as the hottest months in Florida, but this is a dryer heat. Of course, it is still hot. I am liking the dryer heat tho… Visiting all these different climates, elevations, places, etc it is always in the back of my mind if I would like to move there. I think once I return to SW Florida I will be able to reflect all in hindsight.

I have some true blue friends in Florida that I stay in touch with by email. They are my support at times when I need it and I hope I am the same for them. I am so grateful for these amazing people in my life. I have a lot of friends everywhere, but we all know how hard it is to find the few gems we can trust with everything. They do not come along every day, so I cherish mine.

The Brooks (Lisa has always been one of my gems) family I am staying with in AZ are leaving on their family vacation on Friday, July 1st. Then I will be house and dog sitting for 10 days. (Pool & Hot tub) This will be the first alone time I have really had since I left Florida in March. NOT complaining at all because this journey has been incredible every step of the way. The lessons I am learning and my heart I am healing is a good thing. When I talked about healing unresolved grief there are more people in these short 4 years that I have known & loved, pass away too. I had my sweet uncle die not long after I moved to Florida, then my cousin too. Marisa’s parents who I have always known and loved since I was 19 too. They all took me into their family from the first moment. Her parents died 5 months apart and my heart broke for them! This happened in my year of surgeries. All good good, people!

 Just being with good people is wonderful too. These are the gifts that mean so much more than money as a good friend reminded me lately. She is sooo right! I have to focus on my Rich life that isn’t about anything financial. One of my posts/pics in social media that I share states Love Trumps Money and we need to Learn it. Love it. Live it. I am no exception. Hey I am human too, and I always try/do face my feelings instead of avoiding them or ignoring them, it is too hard otherwise unless you try to drown them out with addictions. (The demon that stills haunts me is the workaholic one. When I get in this mode, I can block out too much in life. (Strong, strong work ethic, but there is a limit. And Food for me can be an escape too) If I slow down, that demon will try to convince me I am NOT doing enough, its never enough, which is crazy thinking. God is my driving force daily and he can pull me out when I allow it. I just have to deal with this with a KISS - Keep it Simple Stupid. I learned that one the hard way decades ago and they try to creep back in any recovering alcoholic or addict’s life. Of course, I still have to stay aware of when I need to look within. Sometimes takes a while, but I eventually get there. Hey, I have always just wanted to be happy = the way I want my life … not the traditional role most people try to put me in.  

Recovering from addictions is simply a choice and no one can do it alone. There is support everywhere on this topic if we choose a better life. You have to choose the right support. Not the friends who live the same way as the addict because if we face our problem they can feel too threatened to look in the mirror, so they will help justify it all with you. My strong faith in God has helped enormously! Ask anyone in recovery about the much needed spiritual connection. When my working time has some "Breaks" it can freak me out, so I am learning again to relax, enjoy, and love the moment. Striving for the balance is some thing we all work on daily.

Denial is such a POWERFUL thing. Our demons can convince us of anything to justify the way we live. The demons show us (falsely) love, fun, caring, self-respect, self-esteem, passion, etc. Persons whose addictions (not in recovery) will always come before real love, real caring, real passion filled fun, living from your soul every day. The addictions stay obsessive in our minds. When it all becomes exhausting to carry on is a time to reach out for true help. It can get sooo much better! (The false thoughts that are ohhhh so common here are that we are giving up our "Fun"....So So False, but work from the addictive personality trying to keep you sick)

The inner voice will always be there even if your brain is telling you logically how great everything is. The inner voice is driving our behavior whether we believe it or not, so just rip off the band aid and deal with it. That is my philosophy for myself too. Face it. Deal. LIVE….. A “positive mindset” only is the demons convincing us that we are healthy and happy deep down inside, but it is false. Our addictions will numb our inner voice that leads to the false belief we FEEL good. But that is all in our mind, the heart/inner voice is the true compass if we choose to listen to it. It is not a straight line, but a process that is necessary to change something. Many people have loved ones who this fits and we pray for them daily. The bottom line is THEY have to want it and do it only for them. Cannot do it for anyone else, because it won’t last. Hard, but true. I know many and have over the last decades. I have seen people in recovery for 10-15 years and find a life they never imagined, only to give in later and pick up right where they left off 10 years earlier. They look haggard, hardened, and unhealthy inside and out. Heart breaking!

How do I know the addiction demons so well? I have lived this life, so I get it, not just preaching. They had control of my life in my younger days. I always have felt lucky to have dealt with them so young and I stay on the path of wellness ever since. Not perfect, but I am human too. Anyone who really knows me, knows I am a grown-up who still has her wild side a bit and won’t give it up. Demons still try to haunt the recovering too.

I had many people suggest before I began this great adventure that in my blogging I should just take off all the filters. Great advice! I am writing more about “me” than I thought I would and it’s a process of self-disclosure with boundaries. I have learned healthy boundaries in my life too. So I sit and write what is most on my mind that day or what just flows from me.

Today, the Brooks family and I are going to a museum to check it out. We are hoping its interesting. Hey life is an adventure, you have to keep trying things and you always learn from them all if you CHOOSE too.

You may like one of my articles in my archives titled, Is Your Roof Leaking? Click here

Food is another demon of mine. I wrote a short Kindle book in 2012 titled, "Shhhhh, Do Not Wake the Beast" check it out here.

Stay cool!

Merna



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