I will be here in Arizona till around July 20th. I have been having so much fun with Lisa Brooks family and she has an awesome one! I will be house sitting with two of their dogs. Yogi and Daisy, so they will keep me company during the 10 days they will be gone. It will give me time for solace, reflecting, working out (get rid of the little chub I gained), swimming, working online, and blogging. Oh yeah, and finding music around this city... but the rest time is ohhh so good right now when I am healing too. Each day brings new opportunity to all of us, so I am just going with it.
have been writing about unresolved grief the last few posts. Yesterday I
brought my loved ones who have died in the last 3.5 years to 8…. I thought of
one more which makes 9. I am not creating a tally of how bad I have it, not at all. But this road trip has given me time
for clarity, looking in the mirror and looking back the last few years living
in Florida. I need to see where my emotional compass is and I do not want it
numb or deep in denial. This will make the rest of my life less meaningful. Yes,
these are people very close to me, not just some acquaintances. People from my
church have passed, but I wasn’t close to them. 2 of them I was close too. It
makes me a little scared after I post this and share with you, because each
time I do I think of another person I lost in this time frame. If it wasn’t for the extra time
right now Road Tripping I wouldn’t have put this all together. An unexpected
gift! I know busyness can be a strong distraction for many people and I know it
can happen to me too. In addition, I do the computer busyness when I am
avoiding physical pain which I live with daily. I call it the dance I do, which means I adjust my needs to deal with it changes
daily. Its almost second nature that I have to stay aware because it is not the
best way to take care of pain with busyness. Everything has limits and I always reminded
myself the moderation word, since I am very much an extremist.
How do you deal with a death of a loved
one? Hmmm.... looking in the mirror
very hard, but very powerful for growth. Take your own inventory, not someone else’s.
Another gift on this road trip are the people I stay with in each state. They give me the freedom of talking things through and I am a good listener for them too (I hope). They are loved ones who do not try to just shut me down or jump to conclusions about me. That is the fastest way to shut someone down. It shows me the good, good people I have in my life across the USA. I am so very blessed!
love seeing the different climates, scenery, and ways of life in each state. It’s
pretty cool to see how other people live too. My heart is healing every day and
I feel like ME again FULLY! I can then hear Gods words and guidance so much
better too. After all, he is in the driver’s seat and I trust him more than I
trust myself. LOL Because I can make a mess out of things sometimes in my life,
but I choose to learn and not keep repeating my mistakes. It will be 1 year since Marisa died in July. This is a tough one for me, but I will deal with it all and listen to her voice on her video with her granddaughter that was taken one month before she died. I will heal my heart and never, ever forget.
I have had beautiful Sunshine every day and good, good days. I am blessed through and through. Thank you Lord for all you are giving me!
Tags: grief unresolved grief death dying healing broken heart hope sadness